HOUSEHOLD ITEMS AND DIVORCE

 You may have heard me talk about this before. Household manufacturers have one of the biggest conspiracies in the world. Everyone needs household stuff and what better way to sell twice as much merchandise than to get everyone to divorce! That way the spouse who doesn't end up with that particular item has to go and buy it again. Simple!

But how do they do it?

Couples are always arguing over the smallest things in life. "why didn't you change the toilet roll?!" "I told you to get that last week!" "The bloody toaster is on the blink, can you fix it?".

Manufacturers have made small adjustments to their electrical items - adjustments you'd never know about. Most of the time they work great but sometimes they just won't work at all. This can become terribly irritating. She says it doesn't work, he says it does - it's an automatic argument maker!!

These household items are trouble I tell you! Live in a tent in the middle of nowhere and you might just stand a chance.

FOOD

You wouldn't think food would have it's downsides would you? Well let me tell you that food is just another ploy to get us all fat and crazy. The more you enjoy food, the more you're going to eat it. The fancy labels and the "fat free" tags - yeah right! It's the fresh food you need to look out for especially fruit and vegetables. The other day I ate an apple and all hell broke loose - I couldn't think rationally, I went beserk! There's funny things in natural food that reek havoc with your bodily system. It's all those vitamins, minerals, and carbohydrates that do it.

What I've found out is that if you eat only Genetically Modified food then you get to control exactly what is going into your body and you're not relying on old Mother Nature - who has no idea how to cook anyway.

One of my favourite GM foods is polycarbobarbituatenitrate- it's fantastic! Drink it down for breakfast and you won't need anything until you go to bed.

At bed time you need to up your oxi levels so I tend to eat a pastachemotherapay. A great way to stay thin and to keep away from that nasty fresh fruit and stuff.