Number 4 – Create the right atmosphere
I like to make it like I am in a grotto and I make sure that there are lots of twinkling lights in the trees and torches along the side of the path so that people can always see my good looks.

I make sure that there is just the right amount of fluffy towels on the loungers and that there is some good food around that won’t make crumbs in the pool. Things like toffee apples are always good ‘cause if they fall in then you can just play bob for apples. Bob doesn’t always like to swim round clearing up the sticky apples but that’s the only reason he’s invited.

Number 5 – The right kind of music for a party
Forget the Beach Boys – we’re not on the beach now. I hire a DJ and get him to spin tunes like the Chicken Dance and AgADooDooDoo. Another great song for a pool party is Bat out of Hell.

Number 6 – Games
When everyone has arrived and you are ready to start the party always play the game of Find the flip-flop. This is the most fun game ever invented ‘cause everyone forgets that they are wearing flip-flops and they take hours to try and find one which gives me just enough time to nip back upstairs and make sure that I look groovy for all the babes.

Another great game that I have never seen at another pool party is to grab the nerdiest guy there and throw him into the pool. I don’t know why that has never caught on.

So if you follow my 6-point plan you will have yourself a fantastic party. But hey, I forgot the most important thing – you have to invite me or your party will never be a success.