Rings are quite shiny and round, and make a nice red circle when thrown against someone’s forehead at just the right angle. Often, however, the perfect shape of rings is obscured by evil forces working for the sneaky line team. By slipping a ring over someone’s finger, they are able to fill the lovely round hole created by the ring, so that, seen from the side, the ring looks like a simple straight line, on a straight finger. This violation of the ring’s shapely prowess is a vulgar offence indeed. Rings are made to be held, not to be worn. Get that straight. Anyone who has read the real-life adventures of Frodo Baggins should know just how much damage can be done by wearing a ring in such a disgusting manner.

Another lovely shiny round object which has managed to defend itself against such soiling is the bottle cap, a lovely bit of round silver, which makes a lovely noise when embedded in the bottom of a shoe.

Another round shiny something of equal value is the coin. Many people have become confused by the evil propaganda of the straight-thinking politicians, and have come to believe that little rectangles of coloured paper or plastic are worth more than these shiny round coins. These are lies lies lies!!! (Lies.) If ever you unwisely choose to trade something round for a straight-lined shape, at least make it a square. At least a square carries some even-sided semblance of order. My mother used to give me a piece of paper with the number 100 printed on its corners each day as milk-money. Being the wise investor that I am, I always traded it for 4 shiny silver coins. I am not embarrassed to take advantage of a straight-lover’s folly.

Sometimes, when we go to the beach, I cannot help but staring at lovely organic bits of round flesh which glisten in the heat. That’s right—a girl’s eyes pick up the natural light in a way that is so lovely. Sometimes I long to look into the eyes of the boys as well, but they are often covering their assets with a despicable bit of dark plastic that modestly hides their most beautiful parts.

Iam not so selfish. I do not own any sunglasses, and I display my shiny round eyeballs for all the world to see.

Yesterday, I discovered a lovely shiny round object…..The shiniest, roundest of them all. There it was, just hanging in the sky, only barely out of reach, shining so brightly it made my eyes and skin hurt when I looked at it too long.

All the same, I was afraid that I would lose track of it if ever I looked away, so I stared at that shiny ball of light for seven and a half hours without blinking. Sometimes clouds would move by in front of my perfect circle, and try to steal it away from me, but, after an epic battle of the will, I triumphed.

Now I cannot see anything else, but that’s okay, as I still see that light whenever I close my eyes.

So shiny… lovely and round.

It’s just perfect.

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