The most neglected part of a house is the cupboard under the stairs and I think that this is because most people think that there are monsters under there.
Which of course is true.

But the monsters and I have a good relationship and we often have a good gossip over a cup of Earl Grey as I show them my dance of a thousand dusters. They’re a really nice bunch and they wish that more people would just give them the credit that they’re due.

Another part of the home that gets neglected is the area behind the bed where dust gathers and spiders build their webs. They like to do this so that they can listen to snores. You see, a little known fact is that spiders make their webs faster when they can hear the sonic boom of snores.

Top Ten Cleaners of the World

  1. Dorothy Gordon
  2. Mrs. Mop
  3. Captain Clean
  4. Madame Polished
  5. Don the Janitor
  6. Beanie Weanie and his Magical Cloth of Steel
  7. Don the Don in the John
  8. McArthur the Magician
  9. Clarabelle the Polish Polisher
  10. Hells Bikers


I like to wear my normal jeans and a T-shirt but one time I got to wear a French maids outfit and I quite liked that – although I did put a hole in the parquet with my stiletto heel.

Other cleaners wear boiler suits and great big clompy boots and I have even seen one cleaner (who moonlights as a singing telegram) wearing a tutu as she cleaned out the toilets in the public conveniences down Ginnety Ave.

Whatever you decide to wear, wear it with pride and be prepared for having to wash your outfit at least once a fortnight because the germs from the toilet bowl can really make your social life fall apart.

Always wear rubber gloves and carry a can of air freshener with you. I have been told that the monsters under the stairs like the smell.

Oh, and don’t forget to check under the bed, you never know what you might find – I found a stash of cash once and had a good old knees up at the community hall.
Happy Cleaning!