In order to truly be good and stealthy, your entire life must be a lie. You have chosen a life of shadows, where you must constantly hide your true self, forsaking even love.
JOSH – Oh, Octavia! Don’t give up on us that quickly!
OCTAVIA – Real, stealthy, Josh. I wasn’t talking about you and I.
….I know it sounds like a lonely existence, but really, you can never be alone if you have yourself. Especially when you have two selves: the mask you made for the world, and your hidden, inner self.
JOSH – She’s right. I gotta say, I have a bit of a crush on my super-hero alter-ego.
OCTAVIA – Josh, there are some things the public doesn’t need to know. And do you remember what I was just saying about secrecy?
JOSH – –I don’t have a super-hero alter-ego. And he certainly doesn’t wear a dashing pink body suit with optional detachable cape.
OCTAVIA – This brings me to my next point: Covering Your Tracks. If you choose a life of stealth, and a momentary lapse in secrecy occurs, the best thing is to play it cool.
The general public doesn’t know, and they don’t want to know. If you act as if nothing has happened, they will assume there has been a misunderstanding, and they will reinterpret reality, thus normalizing your mistake. The so-called discerning public is often your best ally in secret-keeping.
JOSH – I’d like to talk about Super-Hero costuming. It’s important to know that tighter is always better. Tight like a 10-year-old T-shirt that fits like a hug. Tight like my gorgeous buns of steel. Find a spandex aerobic suit that shows your every ripple and jiggle, and wear it with shining pride. Now that’s tight, man.
OCTAVIA – Don’t you feel that this sort of advice might be debilitating to the women’s rights movement?
JOSH – –Next, I don’t care what the so-called “government” tells you. Pink is your best camouflage. In a shiny pink unitard, you can blend into the most difficult landscapes, for example the lipstick section of the Rebelz Department Store. Or you could hide amongst the wasteland of sunburned tourists. Or even blend into the ocean in the high-bacteria springtime.
Nature is a myth. Wearing green to blend in with supposed “foliage” is a joke. We all know that the only real green around here is money, so, unless you’re planning to take a swim in my personal vault, pink is the only way to hide.
OCTAVIA – I think that’s a good place to end this. I need to get home and help my mother cook dinner. So I’ll leave it to the pink panther here to wrap things up.
JOSH – She wants me bad...