So I have the ability to kiss like nobody else in the world and I have been given so many awards I don’t know what to do with them.
Okay, I’m gonna share my secrets with you. You’ll never be as good a kisser as me but you can learn some great tricks that will make you pretty successful.
It’s always important to make sure that you keep your lips in kissable condition and the best way to do this is to use a heap of lip balm every night before bed.
You can also do lip exercises – it’s easy, pucker up two three four and relax two three four and pucker up two three four…
Say “Mommy” really slowly over ands over again to give your lips a good workout and don’t forget to drink a lot of water afterwards, It’s important to keep hydrated. If at any time you feel faint then just take a breather for a few minutes.
I find that the best workout shade of lip gloss is perky peach. It matches my leotard and leggings.
Once your lips are in pukka condition you need to get yourself noticed. Always wear a shade of lippy that matches your nail polish and try to apply lip gloss every 30 seconds. The glossier your lips are the better they are for attracting men from a great distance.
Make sure that when the sun is shining you stand so that it reflects off your lips. Guys will be able to see you for miles around and they will swarm towards you.
When you see the guy of your dreams, stand with one hand on your left hip and pout as if you are trying to reach the tip of your nose with your lips.
The guy will totally go for you and as he comes in for a kiss make sure that you quickly wipe your lip gloss off your mouth with a tissue so that you don’t slide around too much.
I remember the first few times I kissed a guy I had so much gloss on that my lips slid right off his and I wound up in the Emergency Room. I was like totally happy – not.