When I was born I was given a silver spoon to put in my mouth. Don’t ask me why but it makes for an interesting conversation piece when people come over and look at my baby pictures.
My family was always rich; Dad says that money is attracted to him. Mom says that she’s attracted to money. So I guess that’s why they’re still together.
When I was five I was given my first pocket money and I spent it. It was the happiest day of my life. I went out with Nanny Bertha and bought two oilfields and a cruise ship. Dad was so proud of me and Mom decided that she would be the first one in the family to try out the new ship.
By the time Mom came home I was 10 years old and during the time that she was away I had learnt how to spend even more money.
I can’t understand why people keep asking me how I spend so much money. I find that it’s really easy. All you have to do is to go out with your wallet and go to a store and buy something. And then something else. And then something else. And you just come home when your feet are tired. If the store is closed then you just have to call your broker and he’ll buy stuff for you.
Anyway, Mom was amazed at all the stuff that I’d collected while she’d been gone. I had built a ranch on the outskirts of town and called it Joshzone. I put up a zoo in the grounds and bought myself a couple of tigers, an elephant and an iguana.
I got a big shed and turned it into a museum that I stuffed full of all the things that Grandpa Josiah had collected on his trips. There was a whole section dedicated to the Rockefellers and a corner for Faberge eggs. It was quite a glittering place to be.
Outside out back I built a replica of the Titanic and my friends used to come over and play on it; it was cool fun.
Mom was proud of me and added to my collection a pure platinum ostrich feather that had belonged to the Queen of Sheba and had been given to my mother by an admirer on the ship.
As well as the ranch I had accumulated quite a few new oil fields and refineries, several planes and vintage cars. Mom was so pleased with my ability to spend that she upped my allowance on the spot and told me that I could take a week off school to go and spend my first week’s money.
So, I filled my wallet with cash and grabbed Nanny Bertha by the hand and went straight to the store and spent my money – and I’ve haven’t really stopped.