I lay on my back and got my breath back. I tried to move but my whole body ached so I closed my eyes and had a nap.

Aliens Don’t Like…
  • Being chased by llamas
  • Star Wars movies
  • Photographs of Wildebeest
  • Darth Vadar
  • Joyracing
  • Marshmallows
  • Heavy Metal Music
  • Drive-in Movies
  • Flowers
  • Black Holes

When I woke up I could move again and I made my way to the latrine to check myself out in the mirror. I looked like I had been BBQ’d in green olive oil and I had bruises all down my chest.

My legs had been shaved and my hair had been put in curlers. My eyelashes were permed and my nails had been painted. I didn’t know what to do, where to turn.

Luckily it was still night time and everyone else was fast asleep so I was able to grab some clothes out of my tent and took a bike and cycled back into town for a shower and a change of clothes before heading back to camp before sun-up.

I don’t know why but all my memories of Johnny had been wiped and all the memories of all the guys in my unit had been too! Nobody mentioned Johnny and I never thought about him until Christmas when I went home and Mom asked where my little brother was. It all came back to me in a rush and I ran to the top of the hill and called out into the sky for Johnny.

Of course I got no reply but it hasn’t stopped me from trying to find him through the years.

I have never been taken away by aliens again. And I have never found Johnny.

But to this day I believe that if he had wanted to come back he would have – maybe he’s happy where he is – and maybe Elvis is there with him.

I have devoted the rest of my life to trapping aliens and I know all their tricks. Just wait until I get my hands on that Mr. Dorsey – he looks like he’d know a thing or two about green tentacles and Moon Monkies…