Tag: Megan Alatini

How do you know you need to see a psychologist?

• Your doctor tells you that you’re crazy.
• You talk to your hand ’cause your face ain’t listening.
• You can’t get by for a day without phoning your Mommy.
• The face in the mirror smiles back at you.
• You can’t stop singing the theme tune to Coronation Street.

These are the most common symptoms that are displayed to me at my practice in Sunset Cove. I have seen most of the residents of the Cove and what more can I say – they all love their Mommies.

I had to go in to therapy once myself you know. I kept dreaming that all these crazy whacko people kept coming to see me. My therapist told me that I was an obsessive compulsive with an inferiority complex and that I needed to pull myslef together and stop eating rice crackers.

It is said that the only way that you can be normal is to be normal and I think that’s the best piece of advice I have ever heard. In fact it was me that said it to Mr. Dorsey and he seemed to learn a lot from it.

Psychology is all in the mind you know and once you have got your head round it there is nothing to be scared of.

I would recommend that you all go into therapy and start to read the complete works of renowned psychologist Young Karl.

Take a leaf out of Kissinger’s book and just get back to basics. Let your tongue hang loose and make sure that your coat is shiny.

That is what we all strive to do and is the root of psychology.

There was a guy called Freud and he liked to think that everyone loved their mommies a little too much. He thought that if you lay down on a couch and talked about what you could see when you looked at splodges then he could cure you and you wouldn’t love your mommy so much anymore.

I first heard about Freud when I was 6 years old and I was at the swimming pool. A guy said “Look, there’s Freud” and I saw a magazine with a picture of the famous psychologist on the front. Ever since then I wanted to help people.

I got my auntie to buy me a book all about psychology and I tried it out on my pet rabbit. He looked like he needed help because all he ever wanted to do was to eat carrots and I thought that was a bit obsessive with a hint of an Oedipus complex.

I cured my bunny and he never ate another carrot as long as he lived – which wasn’t too long because Uncle Siberius decided that what we all needed to get a bit of meat on our bones was a nice rabbit stew.

Anyway, I went to college and became a psychiatrist. I studied Jung and jing jang and all sorts of things that have helped me look into the minds of the sick, the sad and the crazy.